The 2023 Fairy Tale Brook Farewell Tour - Thoughts from Legoland

I’ve been reading a lot lately from Roller Coaster Philosophy — one of my favorite blogs — and wanted to give a shot at the format. The caveat: I want to write this whole thing tonight, and I’m already tired. So here’s some brief but in depth thoughts from Legoland California.

This morning I woke up at 6:45 am to embark on a 2+ hour drive to Legoland California with two of my friends. I went to Legoland a lot as a kid. It was a formative part of my childhood. I even briefly worked there over the summer before my Junior year of college, scanning tickets at the gate and taking advantage of the free employee entrance to the park. I hadn’t been back to the park since then.

But earlier this month I saw an announcement on Instagram that beckoned me back. My favorite ride in the park, The Fairy Tale Brook, was slated to close at the end of this month. I felt the time was right to return and get in one last ride before the ride was unceremoniously demolished.

By all critical metrics, Fairy Tale Brook is not a very good ride. The models often verge on creepy. The storytelling is nonsensical. The sound design sways between unpleasant and erotic. But I love it dearly.

I’ve found there’s something deeply soothing about stepping off a never-stopping turntable onto a chunky plastic leaf shaped boat and drifting around a winding river surrounded by foliage and quaint scenery. It’s nearly as low tech as it gets — sure there are some basic animated figures, but the boats humbly bumble their way along the ride path, and there aren’t even any kinds of restraint. And by featuring commonly shared fairly tales (at least for American audiences) this ride functions in a wonderful paradox where it’s immediately understandable, yet still very disorienting and transformative. Whenever I ride this ride I feel like I’ve traveled a great journey away from Legoland and through a wide range of places, even though I can step back and intellectualize the ride path’s tightly coiled loop. And perhaps most crucial, there’s just something special about moving through this world of ours on a boat, especially these very strange and tiny ones. This ride would be very different (and I think far less endearing) as a dark ride, or even an outdoor vehicle ride. For me, it’s all about the boats.

Why is it so veiny?

Still time (and Legoland maintenance) have not been kind to the Fairy Tale Brook. Models are dilapidated, broken, sun-bleached, or flat-out missing (though the guttural sound effects still remain). Legoland recently also closed the Safari car ride across from the Fairly Tale Brook where guests could ride in tiny cars past lego safari animals, which maybe suggests that relying on a plastic building toy as your main material for outdoor scenic elements is not a concept with an infinite shelf life. These models wear down, and they require care…but why upkeep something old when you could put the same resources into adding something new?

More like the big sad wolf…

And then there’s the growing up part. Now I’m an adult, at least according to Legoland. When I was a child, these boats were enormous. Now they’re too small for me and my two friends to ride in one together (there’s a two adult maximum, one per row, and please make sure to sit in opposite corners of the boat). When I was a child, I couldn’t see over the shallow mounds dividing each fairy tale scene from each other, making the ride feel completely immersive. Now I can see the Aquarium next door looming over the whole ride, the service roads, the theme park infrastructure, and all the fairy tale scenes from a distance. Now I’m confronting nostalgia with reality, and it’s hardly a fair fight.

What is the deal with this guy’s hand?

To its credit, when it comes to theme park rides (especially Legoland rides), they don’t make ‘em like they used to. It’s a slow-moving boat ride that feels no need to immerse or overwhelm the senses (like It’s a Small World or Navi River Journey), no need to convey a narrative arc (Pirates of the Caribbean), no need for thrills or drops (Frozen Ever After), and no need for gamification or interaction (Deep Sea Adventure). Just a gentle boat ride past strange and silly statues. A confident and charming journey. Compare that with Legoland’s newest offering, a slightly nauseating simulator with an overly verbose title where exposition and sensory overload reign supreme, and I have to wonder if things will ever be okay again.

Side rant: What makes a flying theater ride like Soarin’ or Wings Over Washington not suck to ride is keeping up up and down down. Don’t fake inversions on a simulator that’s only designed to simulate GENTLE GLIDING. Keep the camera WIDE and HIGH UP. Zooming past close up scenery on a domed screen while faking corkscrews and loops is a terrible idea. The ride system cannot adequately simulate the moment. People will get motion sick. I am people.

So farewell Fairy Tale Brook. I’m sad to see you go, though you’re clearly past your prime. I’m sorry they didn’t take very good care of you. If it’s any consolation, I doubt they’ll take good care of your successor either. You will live on in our hearts and minds, where nostalgia can fill in all the imperfections, and you can always be the perfect Legoland ride.